His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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