She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
