My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
