remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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