Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
