My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize