He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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