Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
