tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
