ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
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