please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
