dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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