Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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