how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
