Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Who did Billy Mays play for?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Randomize
