You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
