Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
