Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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