Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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