I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
