We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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