Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
