the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
