ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
