i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
