I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
