my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
