i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
