The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
