My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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