Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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