Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
