i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So squirting runs in the family.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
