Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
