I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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