Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize