If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize