I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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