Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
