i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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