she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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