Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
