and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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