You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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