I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
