I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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