So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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