the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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