the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize