Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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