I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
