Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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