LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
