It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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