i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize