the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
