Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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