I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
