Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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