Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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