thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize