How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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