It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
