So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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