Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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