Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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