I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm just crazy horny about you
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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